One of my favorite things in all the world is to welcome family and friends to dine around my table. I come by hospitality honestly. It was sewn into the fabric of my Mennonite subculture, my mother often prepared extra food for Sunday lunch so that we could invite friends home from church, and it is part of my personality as well. Have you ever been invited to someone's home for dinner, and you leave, not only with your hunger and thirst sated, but with your heart full and brimming over with love and friendship, and your sides aching from too much laughter? For a few brief hours, all seems right in the world and life is sweet and you belong. That, my friends, is hospitality at its core. It is not about showing off a fancy house, or wowing with a latest culinary conquest, or setting a table that would win an award in Southern Living. 

Beyond all the trappings, I hope that a dinner invitation from me means that I am opening my heart to you; so please make yourself comfortable and I want to treat you like family. When you leave my table, I hope that there is not room for anything in your soul or your stomach, except a sigh of contentment. I mull these thoughts over in my mind whenever I prepare to entertain. I feel the need for a disclaimer: true hospitality is an attitude of welcoming and has little to do with how gorgeous your home is. I live in a lovely house and have ideal spaces to host a crowd or just a few. In our early years of marriage, we were both students, and we lived in old, cramped apartments. And we still had friends over. We dined on burgers and chicken, rather than steak and fancy wine, and it was just as enjoyable. 

I adore the TV food personality, Ina Garten, also know as Barefoot Contessa. Her recipes, whether complicated or simple, are always yummy. I love her easy, laid back style of entertaining. Here's my favorite piece of advice from her: the single most important ingredient in a dinner party is the hostess' attitude. If you are relaxed and enjoying yourself, chances are good that your guests will do the same. Haven't we all had those times when our menu was too ambitious, and we wanted everything perfect and smooth as clockwork, only to be so exhausted when the guests finally arrived, that we kept watching the clock to see when they'd leave?! I admit that I've been there a time or three. Here are some tips I have learned over the years, to help keep entertaining the gift that I want to present to my guests. 

I am nothing if not a planner. I remember as a child, wanting to keep a log of how many and which specific dishes that I had dried, after a sibling had washed them. I am embarrassed to tell you the minutia that I plan when I organize a dinner party. Here is my rationale: the more details that I think through ahead of time, the less opportunity there is for something to go wrong and the more I can relax and enjoy myself at the actual event. It is an inherited condition; now that we are into the month of March, some of the Hershbergers will be making Thanksgiving plans, down to who will bake the pies. In a humorous twist of fate, Larry's family, that huge, delightful clan of Schlabachs whom I adore, is legendary for their spontaneity. I have learned from them, over the years, to be more flexible. 

When you plan a menu, carefully think about how many of the dishes will need last minute prep and attention. Optimally, when guests arrive, you don't want to be stuck at the stove or the grill; you want to welcome them with appetizers and a drink and strike up conversation. Try to do your slaving and hard work before they arrive. Otherwise, it makes people feel bad to see you sweating for them. Another option is to give your guests a job when they arrive, and you all work together in the kitchen to finish dinner. I am the world's worst at doing this; on the other hand, I love when I am at someone's home and they feel comfortable enough to ask me to help! If we are working the grill, often guests will gather round outdoors and visit while the protein sizzles. 

Prep as much as you can ahead of time. Make that potato dish earlier in the day, or even the day before, and have it in the refrigerator, all ready to pop into the oven. I often prepare fresh guacamole as an appetizer. Avocados brown quickly after they are cut, so this is how I handle that: I dice all the other ingredients an hour or two beforehand, and arrange them in separate piles on a large plate. A few minutes before guests arrive, I peel and dice the avocados,squeezing them with fresh lime juice, and then mix the guacamole ingredients, customizing to my palate. 

Look carefully at all the recipes while you prepare your grocery list. It is so frustrating to realize that you forgot to purchase that one vital ingredient. On the other hand, perhaps this is how new recipes come to be: necessity is the mother of invention. I usually plan out a timeline for the hours leading up to the event. I plot out how long each dish will take to prepare and cook and line it up accordingly. One of the most challenging aspects of entertaining for newbies is figuring out how to have all the dishes finished cooking and ready to serve at the same time. A written timeline will help you pull it all together. Don't forget to build a little extra time in though, because recipes generally take longer to prepare than you imagine.  Having it all written out, especially for a large gathering, will help you keep your cool and will reassure you that, no, you are not forgetting anything. 

Get your table ready early in the day. I am so fond of my round kitchen table; it is a great shape for conversation flow, and in principle, a round table always has room for one more. You just push the chairs a little closer together. I also like eating in the kitchen, because I think the less formal that you are, the more your guests will relax and feel comfortable. I often simply put down placemats and napkins, and set the dishes of food on the wooden wine barrel top lazy susan, that always graces the center of my table. More often at holidays, or when we have large gatherings, we eat in the dining room. I certainly don't want to insult any of the wonderful florists in town, but I have always done my own tablescaping, inspired by greenery from my yard and perhaps a few fresh flowers from the grocery store bin. Usually the base is branches from my magnolia tree, with berries or flowers tucked in, and some low candles. I am averse to anything decorative on the table taller than 10-12 inches; it impedes conversation when you are playing peek-a-boo through the foliage. Here are some of my simple table ideas.

The real work horses of my entertaining arsenal are inexpensive, white dishes. I have evolved to this opinion from countless evenings hosting dinner guests. I do have gorgeous, gold rimmed china (interpretation: hand wash). I think one of the deterrents to inviting friends over more often is the thought of hand washing a whole stack of china plates. Who has the time or desire for that?! I have purchased mismatched sets of white plates, serving platters, bowls, pasta dishes, dessert plates, etc. from discount stores, like Tuesday Morning, TJ Maxx, and Home Goods. I use these ALL the time, for everyday and for entertaining. First off, food makes its best presentation on simple white. Everything is inexpensive so if it breaks or chips, it is easily replaced. White goes with everything and with all seasons. Rather than Christmas china, how about throwing in some red salad plates with the all white ensemble? Or simply add festive cloth napkins? If I were relegated to sharing only one entertaining tip, it would be this: buy lots of inexpensive white dishes and use them all the time and for everything. 

And now you have come to that crazed hour before the guests show up at your door. No matter how organized you are, this last hour is high stress. Here are my strategies for pushing through without losing my sanity. Pour yourself a glass of wine and put on some upbeat music. I have learned from my son, Derek, what music can do to your mood. Try to recruit a family member who knows and loves you, and can be at your beck and call for those 60 minutes. You can order them around to work off your stress, they can wash up all the left over dishes so there is no mess to greet your arriving friends, and they won't be offended at your curt answers while you focus on all that still needs to be done; please remember to be extra kind to that family member later, for enduring your behavior during that witching hour. Set out the exact serving trays/bowls that you will use, along with the serving utensils. Fifteen minutes before the door bell rings, dash upstairs, three steps at a time, and change into a cute, but comfy outfit. If you have time, add a bit of make up. 

Remember, nothing matters as much as how welcome you make your guests feel. Serving them is akin to giving a gift with a large bow on top. Its about them, not about you. Your self worth does not hinge on how perfectly the beef bourguignon is cooked. I think entertaining is like riding a bike; when you first learn to ride, you wobble and feel awkward and are aware of every movement. And you fall a lot. But you get up and keep riding, and soon, you feel quite comfortable in that seat. 

I am so grateful for offspring who choose to embrace the hospitality mantel! Since their marriage, Chris and Tiffany have learned how to cook and we have had many wonderful meals together.