I promised myself when my kids were grown that I would not be one of "those people;" you know the ones who catch your eye in the grocery store while you are juggling three little children and say in that sappy voice, "Enjoy every minute. These are the best days of your life." When that was me on the hot seat, I would just smile, but would engage in ardent, mental conversations with those poor, out-of-touch folks. "Do you have any idea when I last had a full, uninterrupted night of sleep?" "Have you not noticed that two of my angel faced offspring are entangled in a fist fight over which breakfast cereal we will purchase?" "I cannot tell you the last time I had the luxury of going to the bathroom by myself." Parenting small children is such a constant job. If you could just turn in your badge from, say, 8 pm until 7 am, think how much better a parent you would be?! There are sweet, golden moments throughout the day, but you have to slog through a lot of mundane to get to them.
I am here to confess that the mundane has dimmed in my middle aged mind, and the sweet, golden moments are mostly what I remember. There is something magical about seeing Christmas through the not-yet-jaded eyes of little children! We relished those days when our three munchkins were small; Christmas was so exciting! The wonderment of the Christ Child, the anticipation of gifts, and the frenzy of activity leading up to December 25th, put a spring in these parents' steps. Here is a short list of some of my favorite traditions from that magical, exhausting season of our lives.
First of all, whether you have kids or not, make this the year that you start a Family Christmas Memory Book. These can be purchased online, and consist of a page or two for each year. There is a place for your family Christmas card, one or two photos, and a place to write a few paragraphs about the highlights of your family life in the past year. It seems deceptively simple; the real value of such a book is best appreciated after, say, twenty years of Holidays together, and you realize how your family has grown and changed. It is a beautiful thing to leaf through, and I imagine, would only increase in value with posterity.
I started our book in 1994.
A few years have words written on the pages.
Unfortunately, more of the pages look like 2009, with just the photo Christmas card. However, even the photo cards are delicious to look at and see how our family has evolved.
My second holiday tradition for young families is one of my favorites. You know how you purchase a dated Christmas tree ornament for each of your kids? Perhaps you even try to customize the ornament to reflect something about that child and his/her interest in the past year. Here is the secret: buy TWO identical ornaments for your child each Christmas. If they are not dated, use a permanent marker and write the date and the child's name of the ornament somewhere. Place one of the decorative items on your family tree to be admired for years to come. Place the other ornament into a box and tuck it away on a shelf. When your little angel is an adult someday, you will have a set of dated ornaments to hand him for his own tree.
Last Sunday evening I had the privilege of giving Chris and his new wife, Tiffany, a bag full of the Christmas ornaments from his childhood. It was a walk down memory lane.
Six year old Christopher had learned to tell time that year; to reflect his obsession with time, we chose a pocket watch ornament.
Twelve year old Christopher could not get enough of Lord of the Rings.
Snowboarding was one of Chris's main drifts as a high school freshman.
To reflect the fact that we have three children, here are some ornament samples from Chris's siblings. This practice seemed rather trite when our kids were little, but became priceless with the onset of adulthood. Parents of young kids often forget that they will grow up someday, causing one's paradigm to shift. I know; I lived in that "of course they will always be my babies" land too.
Three year old Lauren received a lego doll house for Christmas, and so her ornament reflected that gift.
This racquet swinging teddy bear reflected eight year old Lauren's newly budding interest.
When Derek was three, we gave him an old fashioned wagon, so his older siblings could pull him around the neighborhood. (That's what happened, isn't it, kids?!)
Second grader, Derek, the baseball player.
Another tradition we started when our children were small, was limiting the number of gifts they received from us to three. Our rationale was the fact that the wise men brought baby Jesus three gifts. Too much stuff spoils kids. It is easier to say to your child, "we would love to get you a new bike, but we can't afford it," than it is to say, "a new bike would not be good for you right now." Being a parent means making mature decisions based on the welfare of your kid, and not satisfying your inner child by lavishing your own kids with lots of presents. As often as possible, focus on gifts that don't involve money: perhaps give an adventure, or write out words of affirmation. Coupon books with acts of service were quite popular at our home, even when the offspring were young. Lauren was especially creative and generous with her gifts:
Fourthly, always let your kids help bake and decorate Christmas cut-out cookies. Yes, I empathize with you that your kitchen will be trashed (it will be!). Children are tactile and absorb best by being hands on. All the mess and clean up are a small price to pay for the memories that you are forging by welcoming your kids into this holiday tradition. I will be honest; often I prepped the ingredients for this process and then let Larry take over with the sticky frosting and the decorative, sparkling sugars and the sprinkles. All that mess was hard on this domestic goddess and her need for order and control. Sigh. I am hoping that I can be a little less uptight with grandkids. Every child should have warm memories of decorating cookies and licking the frosting to their hearts' content.
There is so much to say about this photo that I don't know where to start!
Little Lauren always needed a student and Derek was always available.
Lauren has the ability to communicate whole chapters with just a look. :) Little Derek is admiring her sass.
My final tradition for young families is not specific to Christmas, but is so good, that I have to add it to this list. What makes parents of multiple kids so weary is the constant bickering: "He got to choose the story last time." "She got more cake than me." "It's my turn to push the elevator button." In our kids' early years, we initiated a policy to help keep all the mind numbing frittering at bay. Monday was Christopher's day; any decision of minor consequence that needed to be made that day, was his choice. Should we have milk or juice with dinner? If it's Monday, ask Chris. Who gets that choice seat in the car on the ride to school? If it's Monday, Chris will decide. This worked because Tuesday was Lauren's day and Wednesday, Derek was in charge of all decisions of minor consequence. Thursday was Chris, Friday was Lauren, and Derek got Saturday. (Sunday was reserved for God!). The glue that seamed this policy together was the twist that if you didn't honor whoever's day it was, then your day would be ignored as well. We had this policy for more years than my kids would care to admit and it worked quite well and saved much hassle over fairness issues. Speaking of fairness, if you ever want a cupcake divided exactly down the middle, ask one child to do the cutting and then let the second child have first choice of the halves; I promise the sides will be even down to a crumb.
To you tired and harried parents, try to take a moment to treasure those little faces and chubby arms around your neck. Nothing is quite as magical as seeing Christmas through the eyes of your children.
